


Do I Even Want to Know?

by dimesandnickels



Series: Sanders Sides go to College HumanAU [1]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-29
Updated: 2018-06-29
Packaged: 2019-05-30 05:29:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,118
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15090017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dimesandnickels/pseuds/dimesandnickels
Summary: 4 college students, 3 hours of complaining, 2 couples, 1 scheme. Patton drags his roommates out to the beach. Shenanigans ensue.





	Do I Even Want to Know?

Logan walked through the empty halls of his university on his way back from a research session. The campus was so much more peaceful and clean when school was out, but there was a certain melancholy feeling in the air without the chaos of broke students finding creative ways to spend their time. Fortunately, Logan knew there would be plenty of chaos back at the apartment. 

Originally, Logan had expected to be alone in the shared unit during his summer research, but he was pleasantly surprised to learn that Roman was staying to oversee and participate in the summer productions that the university was putting on (though he’d never admit that he enjoyed his dramatic roommate's presence). Logan and Roman had each visited their families for the first week of break and then met at the airport for their journey back to their cheap apartment. 

While Roman was out getting groceries, Logan discovered that their roommate Virgil had been staying in the apartment alone for the entire week and planned to remain there for the rest of the summer. Well, to say ‘discovered’ would imply that Logan had accidentally stumbled across the moody sophomore, but in reality, a purple and black figure dropped from the top of the fridge in front of him, eliciting a manly shriek from the older student (but no one needed to know that bit). Despite constant prying from Roman, the youngest refused to say why he had chosen to stay. Logan would’ve liked to say he had an idea, but the truth was that Virgil was so inconsistent with his emotions that the systematic junior could not read him. 

Finally, the last of their group joined when he heard that everyone else was staying. Though they all assured him that they would be fine, Patton insisted on returning after a couple weeks with his family in order to make sure they took care of themselves. 

So there they were, four students spending their summer away from their families in a cramped apartment with barely functioning air conditioning. Logan was reminded of this annoyance as he was met with a wall of heat upon entering his college home. 

“Logan!” A small smile graced said man’s lips as his boyfriend bounded into the kitchen. They settled for a quick peck on the cheek as it was too hot for hugging. 

“Hey, specs,” Roman greeted from the kitchen table where he was attacking the array of food they constantly had out. They all had different schedules, so lunch normally involved grabbing some leftovers whenever you could, but Patton insisted on all of them having a family dinner together. 

“Where’s Virgil?” Logan asked, noticing the lack of emo in the room.

“Asleep,” said the aforementioned emo’s boyfriend. 

“It’s two in the afternoon, Roman.” 

“Well he didn’t go to sleep until 7 in the morning. I was going to wake him up soon though.” Roman made no move to get up. No matter how many times Logan told him that Virgil can’t sleep in too late because it would mess up his already devastated sleep schedule, Roman never had the heart to wake him up.

“Okay, I’ll do it,” Logan sighed, depositing his bag onto the floor. “Where is he?”

“Last I saw him, he was in my bed, but he wasn’t there when I came back so he must’ve switched at some point.” When they had taken poor Virgil in as a sleep deprived freshman who couldn’t stay in the dorms anymore for the sake of his sanity, they didn’t have any spare rooms so they set him up on the couch. Eventually, he started sharing a bed with Patton since it helped him sleep. Now, he switches between rooms as he pleases. 

Logan found the baby of the family in his room. Virgil hadn’t even bothered moving the books that Logan had haphazardly tossed onto the bed in a mad search for a specific textbook that morning, and was now holding Logan’s old Calculas II textbook like a teddy bear. The older boy was surprised to find him there; of all the rooms, Logan’s was where he spent the least amount of time. He wasn’t offended though, Roman was Virgil’s boyfriend and Patton was…well, Patton.

“Virgil, I must insist on you getting up.” He shook the shoulder of the other boy. Virgil, ever the light sleeper, woke immediately, though his brain didn’t seem to follow suit as he gazed groggily up at Logan. 

“It’s two in the afternoon,” Logan informed him. Virgil blinked at him for a moment before his gaze shifted to the alarm clock. The youngest sat completely still for a moment before flopping back onto the bed and curling around the textbook again. 

“Nice try.” Logan dragged a limp Virgil to a standing position and pulled him toward the door. Before the made it into the hallway, Logan remembered the textbook that Virgil was still cuddling and plucked it from the boy’s arms. 

When he turned around after placing the book neatly in the overflowing bookshelf, he found Virgil curled up on the floor. Logan sighed and simply scooped him up (being able to carry him wasn’t so much a demonstration of Logan’s strength as it was of Virgil’s lightness). Virgil started to whine and squirm out of his arms, but he had lost the privilege of walking on his own. Logan unceremoniously dumped the ornery teen (he had yet to turn twenty so the other three were going to enjoy taunting him as long as they could) onto Roman’s lap. 

Eventually, the four of them were sat in their own chairs eating an odd hodgepodge of food that Patton had prepared earlier in the week. The only thing Logan contributed to the cooking was a can of green beans that he distributed onto both Patton and Virgil’s plates since the former had been avoiding vegetables and the latter had been avoiding food altogether in favor of being over dramatic and resting his head on the table. Because of the teen’s stubbornness, Logan decided not to point out the mashed potatoes in his fringe. 

“We need to go to the beach!” Patton shouted suddenly, causing Roman to go into an odd karate-esque position and Virgil to finally open his eyes all the way and look alert as he threw a hand over his heart. He had been spending way to much time with Roman. 

“While going into the ocean is a common and effective way to cool down, we both know that none of us are actually going to go in. It would be better to stay inside where there is air conditioning,” Logan informed him. He couldn’t help but smile at the senior’s enthusiasm. 

“Please?” Patton pouted. Logan looked at the other two. Roman simply shrugged at him while Virgil looked horrified at the idea of leaving the house and/or wearing a swimsuit.

“If Virgil’s okay with it we can go,” Logan sighed. Patton flashed him a smile before turning his pouting on a scowling Virgil to start a battle of wills. So, to no one’s surprise, three of them went to their rooms to change while the youngest claimed the bathroom. 

“Yo, Finding Emo, did you fall in?” Roman called through the bathroom door. Everyone else had already changed, packed, and had been sitting around the table waiting for ten minutes, meanwhile Virgil had yet to emerge. 

“Yeah, yeah, just give me a sec,” came the reply. The door opened to reveal their resident emo in… exactly the same thing he was wearing before. 

“You mean to tell me,” Logan began, pinching the bridge of his nose, “you’ve been up here for nearly half an hour and have yet to change into beach appropriate attire?” 

“I had other stuff to do. I had to fix my hair, touch up my eye shadow, and-”

“You watched an entire episode of The Office didn’t you?” Patton interjected.

“Noooo.” Virgil’s lying skills would be so much better if he didn’t smirk. 

“Well hurry up and go change, we were supposed to leave ten minutes ago.” Roman started to herd his boyfriend toward the closet where he stored his things. “Don’t you want to see me shirtless?” 

“First of all,” Virgil started as he stopped moving, “I’m going to where this. How can I be aesthetic while wearing shorts and a t-shirt. Second of all, I see you shirtless, like, every day.”

“He only wears pants to bed,” Virgil added in response to Logan’s raised eyebrows. 

“Kiddo, it’s nearly a hundred degrees out, you can’t wear jeans and a long sleeved shirt,” Patton tried to reason.

“You’re the ones who dragged me outside, so you’re the ones who are going to deal with my heat stroke.” 

Another fifteen minutes of bickering later and the four of them were piled into their one shared car. Logan sat behind the wheel as Patton directed him to a specific beach from the passenger’s seat. Virgil had put in his earbuds when Roman started singing songs from Frozen (he preferred using his large headphones but he wanted to stealthily ignore his boyfriend). 

After only a ten minute drive, they pulled up to a crowded beach, earning a look halfway between horror and disgust from Virgil. The others ignored him as they started unloading the packs Patton had insisted they bring. 

“Are you sure you want to where those, my aesthetic Eeyore?” Roman gestured down to the black combat boots Virgil wearing. Ignoring the look his boyfriend had given him in response to the odd nickname, Roman rummaged in his bag and produced a pair of black flip-flops with a flourish. Virgil scowled but didn’t complain as he traded out his normal shoes for the only part of his outfit that was now beach appropriate. 

The group headed across the gravel parking lot and onto the hot sand. Logan could feel the grains attempting to burn his feet through his own flimsy footwear but chose not to mention it in favor of hurrying to wherever they were to settle down and lay on his towel. Unfortunately, not everyone was above such complaining as Virgil went down within five feet of the parking lot. 

“I’m done. Leave me,” he cried dramatically as he raised his arms and legs in the air like a dead bug on its back and let his tongue loll out. Logan heaved a long-suffering sigh; he was not nearly amused by the youngest’s antics as the others were. He took his towel from around his shoulders, set it on the ground, and stood on it to provide an added buffer between his feet and the scalding sand. 

“Oh no.” Patton attempted to be dramatic but failed as he couldn’t control his giggles. “I will be the one to throw the ceremonial handful of dirt upon my son’s coffin.” With that, Patton scooped up two handfuls of sand and dumped them onto Virgil’s long-sleeved purple shirt. Virgil whined and tried to brush off the sand.

“No, my friend,” Roman told Patton, “there is still a way to save him! A true love’s kiss will wake the fallen prince.” Logan resisted the urge to gag as the couple kissed. He was not successful in resisting the urge to roll his eyes, however. Virgil still refused to get up, but in order to humor Roman he did open his eyes and let his limbs flop to the sand. 

“Years of sleeping hath caused all my limbs to fall asleep, I must be carried if thou art to properly rescue me,” he informed Roman. Without hesitation, the emo was scooped up and carried bridal style. 

“Are we done now?” asked the less than amused Logan. Patton only giggled in response and grabbed his boyfriends hand, leading the group across the beach. They settled under the shade of a tree, though Virgil still insisted on putting up the umbrella to protect his vampire skin. Logan sat reading his book, Roman attempted to soccer juggle their beach ball, Virgil listened to music while staring at his now shirtless boyfriend, and Patton poked at an abandoned fire pit nearby. 

After a couple minutes, Logan’s curiosity won out. “Patton, what are you doing?” 

“Setting up the logs so I can start a fire.” Patton was sticking out his tongue in concentration as he moved the charred wood into an unstable tepee structure. Logan loved it when he did that; their eldest was undeniably adorable. Logan shook his head, he couldn’t get distracted. 

“Isn’t it a little hot for that? I don’t think any of us really need the extra heat.” He was right, of course. Even the most idle and pale of all of them (meaning Virgil) had red cheeks and a sweaty brow. 

“But it’s important.” Patton finally looked up from now soot blackened hands at Logan with a pout. Logan hesitated, running through any possible scenario in which a beach bonfire was necessary on such a hot day, but he came up short.

“Why?” he asked slowly, he wasn’t sure if he wanted to know the answer. 

“You’ll see,” Patton giggled. Logan looked at the other two, who both shrugged, so they all let Patton be. 

Logan bored of his book after a little while and decided to go into mom mode, dumping unreasonable amounts of sunscreen on everyone (well, in Virgil’s case it was reasonable) and setting out the snacks that were to serve as their dinner. He could let the lack of vegetables go for one night. 

When he returned to his spot under the umbrella to continue reading, he was immediately interrupted by Roman. 

“C’mon, Specs. Have some fun for once. You could use some loosening up and a tan.”

“I get a proper amount of vitamin D- Virgil stop laughing- for a person of my age so-”

“You could help take pictures to appease my many followers. My amount of likes has gone down and that really needs to be addressed.” 

“Firstly, I don’t understand why you need me help when Virgil is more than happy to take photos of you; he does it all the time when you’re asleep. Secondly,” Logan had to talk over a flustered Virgil attempting to deny such claims, “you’re popularity on social media is not on the top ten list of things I care about.”

“Nice one Loga-” Virgil started, before stopping mid sentence as the Logan pulled out a piece of paper from who knows where. “Of course you have an actual list.” 

While Logan made a show of pretending to check whether Roman’s fan base was on his list, Virgil read what was actually there on his shoulder. In no specific order (according to Logan’s brief introduction at the top) it went his family (including himself since self-love is important), Patton, Virgil, Roman, Crofters, Sherlock, Doctor Who, astronomy, science in general, and logical thinking. 

“But if my fanbase makes me happy and you don’t care about them, then do you really care about me?”

“There’s a difference-”

“Got it!” Patton called excitedly, breaking up the bickering between Roman and Logan. 

“Um, good?” Logan responded. “Now can you tell us why this was necessary?” 

“Oh right!” Patton moved so that the fire was between him and his roommates. He raised his bright pink water bottle covered with cat stickers to his lips and took a sip before spitting it into the fire. Needless to say, no one knew how to react.

“Do I even want to know?” Logan asked finally.

“Ya know, the water kinda went,” Patton’s evil smile grew, “out of the frying pan and into the fire.” The others stared in shock and horror at Patton.

“You mean to tell me,” Logan started after a long sigh, “that you dragged us out here so that you would be a figuratively frying pansexual individual and built a fire to make that single pun?” By the end of his question, Logan’s teeth were gritted and his voice was strained.

“Yes?” Patton’s smile grew as Virgil and Roman finally lost it. Every pun Patton made was always funnier when coupled with Logan’s reaction. Logan was the cringe to his dad joke.

Logan’s blank stare turned on the other two, making Roman collapse onto the beach towel next to Virgil howling with laughter while the only jean clad person on the beach chuckled into his boyfriend’s shoulder. Logan rose slowly, his eye twitching, and grabbed the pail that Patton had brought to make sandcastles. The others were laughing too hard to notice what he was doing before it was too late. A splash of water drenched Patton’s hair and t-shirt while also putting out the pun fire.

Patton looked his boyfriend dead in the eye. “Well, now you’ve rained on my pun raid.”

“Pun ra-” Comprehension dawned on Logan’s face. “Oh. Parade.” With that, he turned around and marched across the beach toward the parking lot.

“Should we follow him? I think his brain broke too much for him to function on his own,” Roman wheezed out, wiping tears from his eyes. They headed across the beach after their resident mom-friend, with Patton in the lead and Virgil bringing up the rear. In order to preserve his oversensitive feet, the youngest had wrapped a towel around the flip-flops he wore and was shuffling oddly. So he couldn’t put on shorts for fear of ruining his aesthetic but having Patton’s cat pirate decorated towel wrapped around his feet was fine?

They arrived at the parking lot just as Logan was pulling out. 

“I can no longer remain in this situation,” he informed them through the barely rolled down windows. “You all can call an Uber. Virgil you can come.” Virgil grinned as he hopped into the passengers seat of the car. They all knew his anxiety wouldn’t allow him to get into a car with a stranger behind the wheel. This left Patton and Roman to hastily run over and pack up their things before heading over to the parking lot again in order to be picked up by Logan, who, as everyone had expected, had turned around within five minutes of leaving. He never planned on leaving permanently. 

Logan and a smug Virgil watched the cause of all this chaos and his biggest supporter cram into the back with everyone’s things. 

“Where do you guys want to go to eat?” Virgil asked, putting his feet on the dashboard as they pulled away from the place of beautiful views and terrible puns.

“I went to a restaurant around here that serves breakfast at any time…” Patton informed them. 

“That could be a possibility-” Logan started. 

“…So I ordered scrambled eggs from the Renaissance.”

**Author's Note:**

> That last joke came from free-funny-jokes.com


End file.
